Dilemma

For all I know I've been going around like a mad person. Been filling my time with so much activities and parties and meeting up with friends. But nobody knows that the reason I'm doing this is because so I don't have the time of the day to sit down and think about myself; how and what I've become.

I still can't run away from it... Not entirely...

Been going through ups and downs, and a couple more downs. So far, I have learned a lot. You can never run away from the person you already are; you only grow into character as time passes you by..

InsyaAllah I will change for the better, I hope I will. :)

I'm home!

Hey peeps! So finally, I'm back home. I had so much fun in KL though. Sarah, Hannah, Dinah! I miss you guyssss!!! :(

Anyways, been going out a lot these few days. Been trying to figure out some stuff up too. I'm quite in a mess and I had just learned about a few stuff that has been happening back home while I was away. InsyaAllah, everything is going to turn out fine. InsyaAllah. =)

&Finally, I've been able to go online from the comfort of my home on my own laptop. Nothing beats the feeling of familiarity you get from using your own things eh?

So I made a mini checklist for what I'm gonna do during my hols. Check this out:

List of things to do during summer break.
1. Have fun!
2. Have more fun!!
3. Have even more fun!!!

LOL.

Moving on...

I was on fmylife.com and I read through one of the submission and I thought it was just so damn funny I just had to post it up here.
I somehow pity the guy though. Anyways, this is what he wrote:-

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

Hahaha. My god. Please people, stop with the Twilight rage already. Hehe. Have fun people! I know I will. :D

xoxo.

Still on hiatus.

I'm still in KL and have been for quite some time. Gonna still be here for a few days more before heading back home. Having too much fun can be tiring. But of course, worth it. :)

So sorry for no updates oh ye obidient readers. :P

Anyways, been going to the movies almost every night. I have watched most of the movies that are playing in the cinemas around KL.

Though... I am yet to go to a foam party. LOL.

Oh yeah, I watched Paranormal Activity and I tell ya, it sucks. So baddddd. I can't believe some people got freaked out from watching that. But whatever then...

Alright people, gotta be moving. Have some more plans going on. Ciao!

Eid al-Adha

Happy Eid al-Adha, people!
I've been really frustrated probably this whole week.
Hope tomorrow's gonna change my mood for the better.
Dressing up is always fun, always always way fun with family around. =)

Have a good one, hey!
Cheers!

xoxo.

Again & again.

Have you ever felt being used? And betrayed by someone you trust? Have you?

Probabyly because they think they could get away with it or something...
But you know what, I knew it was happening. I just couldn't understand why you didn't think it wasn't important to just spill it out & fucking tell me. Tell me.

I didn't know you were like this. And we've spent almost every time together. You could have just tell me a straight NO and be done with me.

By all means, I'm allowed to hate you for it as it all happened behind my back. AND YOU USED ME. You USED me. And I was being stupid about it.

I hate you. Hate doesn't even seem strong enough. Loath. Is loath worse than hate? Despise? Detest? Deplore? No, deplore isn't very strong. Generic hate would have to do it.

&You know what the best part is? I can't stop thinking maybe I wasn't good enough.

Let's see how much of a nice person with a kind heart I am now.
Let's see.

I wish I knew.

Time together isn't ever quite enough...
When you and I are alone, I’ve never felt so at home.

What will it take to make or break this hint of love?
We need time, only time...

When we're apart, whatever are you thinking of?
If this is what I call home, why does it feel so alone?

So tell me darling, do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time...

Please.

Please please please, stop harassing me, my siblings, or any of my family members.
There was a reason when I wanted you out of my life, and I want that to stay that way.
Please stop bothering me. You're just making it worse. :(

&Dove bird, I miss you. So so so much. :'(
I wish you were here.

In loving memories of Mathew Jose Katikkaran...

My final paper is just a few hours away... I tried studying the whole night, but I couldn't pull through as much as I thought I would. Been crying my eyes out; my cheeks are flushed, my eyes are swollen and I'm having a headache. I couldn't even read, understand and memorize properly... My mind has been wandering and I can't seem to concentrate on anything.

Been thinking too much of Mathew...

His dorky smile that always goes to one end of his mouth, the smirk he had always had on his face, the loud voice of his calling out to tease everyone around, that British accent of his, his joyous and playful personality that turns everybody's frown upside down, his silly laugh, that swagger-like walk of his, and him...just him to be exact.

He's part of the family, he's a part of Jeng. Loosing him, means loosing family...means loosing a Jeng member...means loosing a part of yourself.
:'(

For ever & always you will always be in my heart. In all our hearts.

We dearly love you. We miss you already, buddy..
Where ever you are, I hope you know this. I hope you're looking down at us and smiling. I really hope so. I love you, Mat.

Knowing him, probably he's looking down at us now...and saying;
"So long suckas! I graduated from life! See you on the other side!"
;)


To Mathew:-
Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft star that shines at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there. I do not sleep.

- Northwest Indian Memorial on Death

Forever & ever Mat, forever & ever. :')

Mat, I love you.

Mathew Jose Katikkaran ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ We will always love & miss you. I will. :'(

Prove me wrong.

You play with my mind way too much. Can you lay down the truth for me?
Look me in the eyes and tell me it's not true what you're feeling.